Sports
A holiday of crappy football received a generous dusting of much needed spice when it was reported that Plaxico Burress popped a cap in his own ass.
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It all started with the Jets/Patriots game and a cold sixer of Milwaukee’s Best Ice on Thursday. And it ended Sunday with bookies sweating like whores in church. It was Week 11 in NFL. Be thankful the Chargers and Steelers played their way through controversy to post the league’s first-ever 11-10 final. Or else you would have had to read a full post of how drinking four beers for less than $10 comes with a hefty, colon-cleansing price tag the next day.
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The Titans are yet to stumble, the Lions are yet win and the Cowboys are yet give the ax to Wade Phillips. Yes, it is truly November, which means storylines from around the league really begin gaining steam. Who will make a push for the Wild Card? Who’s tanking the rest of the year for that number one pick? And will anyone notice whenMatt Leinart leaves his backup role for a fifth year of eligibility at USC?
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The near midway point of the NFL season resembled some sort of alternate universe. The Cowboys got taken behind the woodshed by a team that has made a habit out of getting violated this season. The Bears, under the deft guidance of Kyle Orton, hung half a hundred on a preseason Super Bowl pick. And the Wildcat offense isn’t exactly the reincarnation of the old Wishbone that many of us were hoping for.
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If you live in the greater Detroit metro area and have had to live through a run of putrid football lately, well, first off, I’m sorry. Secondly, I’d like to express how little the rest of the league can empathize with your franchise’s habit for installing a wholesome atmosphere based solely around the unprecendented notion of not utilizing the hips, buns and thighs of a professional cheerleading squad. What’s next? No Wayne Fontes/Ron Jeremy look-a-like nights?
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How long will it be before Matt Cassel seeks the sage advice of his high school coach in California? Are the Jags capable of bullying around whomever they decide? And is high blood-sugar content the only thing capable of slowing the Broncos’ Jay Cutler? CF runs through Week 3 in the NFL.
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Enter Citizen Fall’s NFL Section to get the lowdown on the happenings around the league from week to week. On Opening Weekend, it’s all about Pitt’s 3-4 monster, the Rams’ trip to the woodshed in Philly and Bridget Moynahan’s ex-husband going down like a sack of bricks after a KC ‘backer tried kissing his feet.
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It’s no secret that chicks dig football. Why else would they become so infuriated at the fact that we can afford to devote at least four days a week to watching the sport they so covertly love? But it’s an even more well-known fact that amidst their jealousy, the ladies can’t resist a chap who possesses an abnormally large…football I.Q. Do your love life a favor and “bone” up with Citizen Fall’s 2008 College Football Preview. After all, the good times shouldn’t always begin and end with staring at fat, sweaty linemen.
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With camps now beginning to dot the gridiron landscape, signaling the unofficial arrival of fall, it is time to rev up for the upcoming college football season with my comprehensive assembly of things I hope to see (as well as those I could actually do without) between now and January, when a champion will be crowned in Miami—after it beats Ohio State, of course.
