Samuel Adams Farce
“I expected this beer to be a little hoppier than this.”
“Yeah, that Jim Koch’s full of shit, man.”
-Harry Dunn and Lloyd Christmas discussing the pitfalls of Samuel Adams beer had they stopped for some leisure lubrication on their way to see Mary Swanson
First the foreign takeover of Anheuser Busch, now this. Privy to the idea that I have yet to be duped by false advertising, I decided to do get ballsy the other day and give in to the subliminal brain-washing of Samuel Adams Brewing Company owner Jim Koch. Thinking I was doing my patriotic duty by supporting one of our country’s last enduring brands, my palate immediately and vehemently rejected that notion just as quickly as it hinted at the regurgitation of the bitterly foreign taste of my Boston Lager. With my esophagus now effectively inflamed upon first sip, I began sketching on a cocktail napkin analogies that would do the experience justice, but refrained from comparing the product I had just ingested to the urine of a goat. The much publicized enticing aroma of noble hops, which Koch and his cohorts boast is added by the pound in every batch, overwhelmed the nostrils as it caused me to dry heave and seek out the comfort of the nearest product owned by Carlos Brito. What was left was a three-fourths full pint of a cloudy mixture of barley, caramel and Northeastern tap water that could just as easily have been a combination of sewer run-off and Honey Bunches of Oats cereal.
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