Forbes Is a Fan of the CF Alma Mater
Imagine my surprise when Forbes, the quintessential source of American elitism and white-collar masturbation, decided to care enough to put the quaint yet metropolitan college town—and my secondary retirement locale—of Columbia, Mo., in its list of America’s Top College Sports Towns.
Using a hodge podge of offsetting criteria, Forbes managed to pick 10 from the litter and then promote each school via a justification that had absolutely nothing to do with sports.
Apparently, the location of my alma mater distinguishes itself as a class A college sports town because the median salary meshes with the price of the average home as nicely as the individual members of a Sigma Chi late-night elephant walk.
Or it could be that the University of Missouri has secretly had a juggernaut of a water polo team all along, and the student body has always been too busy inhaling quarter draws at Harpo’s to care?
To get a feel for the entire college town experience, Forbes utilized statistics from the Director’s Cup, which ranks schools according to scores based on the aggregate performances of their athletic programs, as well as numbers indicating how well or how poorly the city’s schools perform and whether or not people get shot and stabbed on a predictable basis.
Jumble all that up, throw it into a supercomputer, pour brandy into a snifter, and wait for the results.
Here’s your Top 10, in descending order:
Note: Not one non-BCS school in the whole lot. Looks like ESPN’s not the only one taking handouts.