Citizen Fall

Clinics Prepare For March Madness Vasectomy Season

Posted in College basketball by ryedog on March 10, 2009

For as long as he can remember, Dr. Dick Chopp has wanted to perform vasectomies.

But with the economy now in a state of flux, the market for men looking to cauterize shut their sperm supply channels simply isn’t as strong as it once was.

However, with the onset of March Madness quickly approaching, Chopp hopes he can take advantage of man’s laziness over the next few weeks to generate some new business.

Thanks to Sports by Brooks, we have learned Chopp’s clinic in Austin, Texas, is staging a clever marketing campaign designed to influence men to go under the knife and then spend the subsequent three to four days of recovery time taking in a little tournament action.

In other words, if you’re going to be lying around like a worthless piece of garbage during the tourney anyway, why not give yourself a medicinal reason to do so?

Shrewdly entitled “Vas Madness,” the plan calls for transforming Chopp’s office into a virtual sports bar oasis, complete with snacks, refreshments, and attractive medical office billers and coders dressed in nothing but tight jerseys, prepared to pleasure you one last time before you have your manhood lopped away.

Something tells us the clinic skimped on some of the details during its qualitative research. Contained in its Top 10 list of reasons why you should get snipped during Vas Madness is that the clinic will provide around-the-clock coverage of the NCAA Tournament through ESPN.

We can only assume they meant CBS. But who really cares?

The staff makes up for its carelessness by providing each and every patient with a comprehensive recovery kit, which includes what every swollen Johnson craves—a bag of frozen peas.

So potentially lucrative is Chopp’s plan that the good people at the Oregon Urology Institute have come up with a Vas Madness competitor. Like its rival, Snip City will hand out recovery kits, but it will go one step further by equipping its patients with a professional-looking doctor’s note requesting you rest your junk until at least the Sweet 16.

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