Citizen Fall

Warning to Racist Rappers: Rashida Jones Will Crush You

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee by ryedog on April 13, 2009

This month’s DiLN is Rashida Jones, the breathtaking actor/singer/philanthropist whose beauty is outdone only by her braun. We’re not saying we like butch chicks; all we’re saying is that any woman who can turn Tupac Shakur into a quivering Steve Urkel of a bitch deserves our accolades.

Plus, for whatever reason, the nominees on our list have taken on a multi-cultural flavor. And Ms. Jones certainly fits the bill.

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DiLN Training Camp Blitz: Jenn Sterger

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee, Ladies by ryedog on January 8, 2009

(Photo/Jim Larer)

(Photo/Al Pereira)

(Photo/Jim Arbogast)

(Photo/William Hauser)

Indeed, that Jenn Sterger. Proof positive that the batteries in her clock of fame may have short-circuited, leaving the big hand teetering just slightly above that 15 minute mark.

I realize the horse I’m beating may already be dead, but these pictures indicate that Jenn still warrants attention.

Some will forever remember Ms. Sterger as the buxom Florida State cowgirl who tinkered with Brent Musberger’s libido at a Seminoles/Miami Hurricanes football game in 2005.

Others will acknowledge Jenn for the person she aspires to be, whether that’s the fledgling young journalist who supposedly got shit-canned by Sports Illustrated (she claims otherwise), the subject of a Playboy spread, the newest member of the New York Jets’ sideline team—or some weird combination amongst the three.

Gotta hand it to Sterger, she’s milked the American public for all its worth and run away with the pail.

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DiLN Training Camp Blitz: Natalie Gulbis

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee by ryedog on January 1, 2009

We’d hate to call her the LPGA’s version of Anna Kournikova, but the similarities are definitely there:

  • A face capable of melting hearts
  • Unparalleled marketability
  • A body capable of buckling knees
  • Untapped potential

Perhaps it’s not fair to compare Natalie Gulbis to Kournikova, but it’s too tempting—especially considering Gulbis seems to be raking in inordinate amounts more posing on sandy beaches and dating stud athletes than sinking 15-footers on the 72nd hole.

In her defense, Gulbis has taken time from her FHM shoots and endless endorsement obligations to nab a couple LPGA titles.

Now that I think about it, it may not be just at all to bring Gulbis down to Anna’s level.  In spite of her inability to get over the hump, the 25-year-old Latvian beauty has been more than impressive in her journey to the summit. In two years’ time, she finished in the top 10 in each of the tour’s four major tournaments.

In 2005, her fifth year on tour, Gulbis managed to finish sixth on the money list—without the benefit of a single victory.

Not that it matters. Gulbis is the undisputed sex symbol of women’s golf. Her list of endorsers is too long to even mention.

Her stylish attire and svelte frame attract crowds of male observers, the members of which wouldn’t normally be caught comatose at a LPGA function. Her skills are good for the game, but her overall package is what drives the business—and all men are merely the investors.

And, right now, for Gulbis—and us—business is goooooood!

Photo/Steve Grayson

DiLN Training Camp Blitz: Kelsi Metzler

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee, Ladies by ryedog on December 24, 2008

The four corners of the nation have been combed.  Well, at least the top left one has.

The DiLN Selection Committee braved the unpredictable atmospheric conditions of the Northwest and would have returned virtually unscathed were it not for one noticeable impasse that required some meticulous evaluation.

Though the region as a whole offered so much promise, the epicenter of activity proved much too tempting to avoid.

Like any other notable public university whose endowment is predicated upon the financial success of a nearby footwear apparel giant, the University of Oregon, situated in the quaint metropolis of Eugene, takes pride in the hotness of its cheerleaders. And they are many.

Thus, you can imagine our consternation when we realized we had to pluck but one girl from the entire squad worthy of making the cut.

I give you Kelsi Metzler, former Ducks spirit girl and SI.com Cheerleader of the Week.  Yeah…we know.

Now a proud graduate, we’re assuming Kelsi has moved on to the next phase in her life, which includes the epiphany that she may be in love with a complete stranger from St. Louis.

[Photos: Peter Schlitt/Sports Illustrated]


A Likely Threesome

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee, Ladies, Politics, sports by ryedog on November 5, 2008

(AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)  

We here at Citizen Fall encourage the worlds of sports, politics and women to prostitute themselves, with the hope that each will eventually engage one another in a blissful orgy of ghastly proportions.

It’s your lucky night, my friend….

First, check out our review of Week 9 in the NFL.  Next, make your way to the Daughter-in-Law Nominee section, where you can get a glance at November’s candidate, Lindsay Price.

Finally, visit CF throughout the night as we conduct our first-ever live blog to give you up-to-the-second updates of the presidential election.

It’s gonna be a long night—better bring protection.

Daughter-in-Law Nominee Training Camp

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee, Ladies by ryedog on October 16, 2008

  

Dreaming of marrying a beautiful supermodel or actress is normal–highly stimulating but moreorless a waste of time. Aspiring to marry a young lady who has not yet become a beautiful supermodel or actress? Now you’re on to somethin’.  Because The Fall doesn’t discriminate, it is with this in mind that we pay homage to all females we think would make for a fine life partner, no matter the socioeconomic status.  Help us narrow down our choices by selecting one of these lovely specimens.  Vote here

Ladies: DiLN of the Month

Posted in Daughter-in-Law Nominee, Ladies by ryedog on August 25, 2008

The daughter-in-law nominee of the month for August comes to us from a simpler time—a time when there were no ipods, no Xbox, no shifting climate change and definitely not even the simplest of low-flow shower heads. Who is she? Find out…

Check out the rest of the nominees