Citizen Fall

A Crystal McCahill Post Is Always Good

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on June 8, 2009

One half of the hottest (and only) mother-daughter Playmate combo in Playboy history is beginning to make her mark. And here’s a hint: it’s not Crystal McCahill‘s AARP-eligible mother.

No disrespect to Momma McCahill, for we are sure she is very lovely in a June Cleaver sort of way, but we get the sneaking suspicion the all-important 18-49 male audience would prefer we link to images a little more, uh, appropriate.

Unless, of course, you’re into the older women, in which case you’ll have to get your fix somewhere else.

Crystal was asked to seductively pose in the nude for a photographer and a host of other creepy crew members in last month’s edition of Playboy—and we have the pictures to prove it (NSFW, obviously), albeit one month after the fact.

This post would have appeared sooner, but, frankly, we’ve been a little too busy lately with things other than your salacious porn habit.

If pictures of Crystal still won’t do it, you have one of two options: 1) start dating men, or 2) book the poor girl for a magazine signing to be held in your windowless van parked in a vacant lot.

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Vanessa Minnillo Makes Her Citizen Fall Debut

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on April 16, 2009

It’s a mystery as to how we’ve managed to go this long without mentioning the breathtaking Vanessa Minnillo, but we’ve done it. Consider this making up for lost time.

In our defense, she hasn’t exactly been making headlines lately. Perhaps that’s because she’s been busy nurturing her annoyingly normal relationship with Nick Lachey, who, by the way, we don’t resent because he’s not a blatant douche.

The best thing about Vanessa is that she never seems to alter her look. She’s barely deviated from the hotness with which she exploded on the scene as an MTV veejay. Years later, though a little more grown up and refined, Vanessa still gets us all sweaty and bothered.

[Photo Credit]

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Meagan Good Seductively Defines Cultural Ambiguity

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 28, 2009

She looks just like Jessica Alba, if only Jessica Alba was one-eighths Puerto Rican, Jewish, African, Barbadian, Black, and four other races and cultures that we don’t care to mention.

She is Meagan Good, the chick with the best lips this side of Angelina Jolie and Mick Jagger.

For all we know, those two could have had a threesome with Denzel Washington to bring us this 21-year-old beauty.

Not that it really matters; Meagan’s hot and easy to look at. Which is good enough for us.

Here’s Elisha Cuthbert, Enjoying Some Bubblicious

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 24, 2009

Supposedly these pictures are from Elisha Cuthbert’s spanking new Maxim photo shoot. The magazine’s website, from what can be found, has yet to confirm this, so until then we’ll go on the assumption that Cuthbert is an avid gum-chewer in her everyday life.

Speaking of rumors, we’ve heard rumblings that Cuthbert, aka Kim Bauer, was going to make a triumphant return to 24, but unless she plans on randomly showing up to disarm a biological weapon of mass destruction amid relentless gunfire, it looks like that won’t be happening.

It’s a shame, too, because her looks had a tendency of balancing out Jack’s badassness during the first few seasons.

Megan Fox Is Officially Accepting Applications

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 22, 2009

Megan Fox is gorgeous, even though she sometimes looks like a transsexual mannequin.

But she has always been property of Brian Austin Green through a relationship that developed even before she made our libidos hurt with that outfit in Transformers. However, Fox’s escalating fame has visibly and steadily created a rift between her and the 35-year-old father, so much so that the couple has been subjected to a recent onslaught of damaging headlines hinting at an amicable split and termination of their engagement.

Apparently, those breakup rumors from a few weeks back just didn’t hold up, as the two were repeatedly seen together in public doing “lovey-dovey” stuff—like going to Home Depot for a few gardening essentials and the botox clinic for some face-paralyzing injections.

Whether a ploy or simply the calm before the storm, the good times have seemingly come to an end. And this time for good.

Fox has reportedly moved out of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Green and settled into a hotel room all by her lonesome. Now officially single for the first time in years, the smoldering brunette figures to play the A-list field like a sober fiddler until she finds the guy who can “listen” to her.

Those Gossip Girls Sure Like Their Sweets

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 20, 2009

“We didn’t know we’d have any props, but we saw this big fun table — like a kid’s birthday party. Um, some of it was a little mature for a kid’s birthday party. Some of the … inflatable items. But it’s all been a surprise; it’s been really fun.” My favorite was the first one we did with the ice cream cones.”

We couldn’t agree more.

Those words belong to Blake Lively, the long-legged 21-year-old star of the rich-kid CW program Gossip Girls, as she commented on the cast’s recent photoshoot for Rolling Stone, which is headlined by these pics that feature Lively and co-star Leighton Meester slurping on some sweet treats.

There are some photos that feature the entire cast, but frankly, we’re a little spooked by the male members. Not only do they appear to be effeminate, but with names like Chace, Edward, and Penn, they would probably lose a tag-team match to any combination of their female counterparts.

Krystal Forscutt Is Good At What She Does

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 18, 2009

With the temperatures in my native city unseasonably warm right now, I have begun to think how nice it would be to get some warm weather consistently, so as to skip the endless rain of April and yo-yo-like weather of early spring.

While most of us have to wait a few more months for summer, several parts of Australia are still enjoying the latter weeks of another season of searing sunshine.

You know what else in Australia is searing? Krystal Forscutt.

The 22-year-old model initiated her career with an appearance on Australia’s version of Big Brother in 2006 and hasn’t looked back. Countless magazine spreads, including Maxim and FHM, and Electronic Arts’ popular game Need for Speed: Pro Street have all taken advantage of Krystal’s ridiculous features.

Most recently, Forscutt out-sourced her looks, er, talents to the Benny and Richie Show, which reviews the video game world’s most popular titles. She’s even caught the eye of rapper Kanye West, who apparently knows a fine white chick when he sees one through his slitted shades.

The multiple facets of Forscutt’s career are great, but we think she should stick to modeling those bikinis that don’t come with tops. If she does, she might enter Sara Jean Underwood and Brianna Frost territory.

Crystal McCahill Is Pretty, Even Under Duress

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 15, 2009

Since our first and only Crystal McCahill post seems to have gone over fairly well, we had planned on running another snippet featuring the Playmate’s killer eyes and abundance of other arousing features.

That is until we heard she is due in court on Thursday to contest a Jan. 7 drunken driving charge that occurred in Chicago.

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the 25-year-old model and star of E!’s The Girls Next Door was found to have had a blood-alcohol level twice the legal limit when she was pulled over for running a red light last month in downtown Chicago.

McCahill claimed she had consumed three shots upon getting off from her job at a local nightclub, but the signs of inebriation sealed her fate. The arresting officer claimed McCahill, who is scheduled to be Playmate of the Month for May of this year, suffered from stammered speech, reeked of booze, and had a glazed look in her eye that would make Tommy Chong proud.

The incident doesn’t figure to have much of an effect on McCahill’s budding modeling career, at least we hope not. Take a second to pray that Crystal experiences a fruitful career void of court hearings while you take in some of the best of her early work.

Corrie Loftin Doesn’t Need Paris Hilton To Be Irrelevant

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 12, 2009

We didn’t feel sorry for Corrie for getting the boot on Paris Hilton’s best friend tryouts because, frankly, she was a calculating bitch.

When you get down to it, it was actually a little humorous to see such a fake poser get rejected by the planet’s definition of childishness and vanity, which is pretty much the biggest insult you could ever receive.

The reason she was eliminated? Paris, playing the part of pot, decided it was time to call the kettle black, meaning she thought Corrie was too into herself.

But it takes no MTV exec to deduce that the move was necessary to uphold the “integrity” of the show when it was revealed Corrie is a Girls Gone Wild alum.

Oh, yeah…and she has some pretty compromising photos.

Loftin’s 15-minute celebrity life has gotten off to a fairly predictable start. Appear on meaningless reality television show? Check. Undergo breast augmentation and flash results of surgery all over internet? Check.

Land starting running back spot on a Lingerie Football Legue roster? Check.

Wait…what?

Yep. Say hello to the bruising 5’5″, 123-pound back responsible for splitting carries for the Dallas Desire, which is set to begin play on Sept. 4.

We give it three games before Ms. Loftin blows out an ACL and is forced to appear on Paris Hilton: Wipe My Ass For Me to make ends meet.

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Discover the Many Layers of Joanna Krupa

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 12, 2009

We all thought it started and stopped with Joanna Krupa teasingly parading around in  skimpy swimwear and lingerie for the likes of Maxim and Stuff magazines. It was all fine and good, but we needed more.

In July of 2005, Krupa obliged, and she did so beyond our perverse imaginations. Krupa thoughtfully left nothing to the imagination when she agreed to grace the pages of Playboy in a glorious spread that personified excellence in the operation of a steam machine and utilization of a fake beach backdrop.

But then the 29-year-old Polish-born hottie took it one step further yet, proving there’s more to her than just a body that won’t quit.

Careful not to rob us of the aesthetic pleasure, Krupa protested the use of fur as a fashion statement by posing nude for a PETA campaign in early 2008.

Our mission was complete. We found a gal who is willing to bare every fiber of her being for the sake of the endangered minx.

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