Citizen Fall

DiLN Training Camp

Dreaming of marrying a beautiful supermodel or actress is normal–highly stimulating but moreorless a waste of time. Aspiring to marry a young lady who has not yet become a beautiful supermodel or actress? Now you’re on to somethin’.

I realize that the chances of exchanging nuptuals with, say, Carrie Underwood or Megan Fox are awaiting me in a frozen hell, but it’s simply much easier that way to find quality illustrations to accentuate my lofty goals. Pictures or no pictures, I appreciate diversity, which is why I am now loosening the stringency of the DiLN requirements. This is not to imply that snobbiness went into determing the first three candidates, but our committee has taken note that there exists a fine assembly of women that has not yet received the proper attention whereby each girl is given ample limelight to showcase her talents. And, in this case, by talents, we really mean looks.

Now, normally, finding polaroids of such diamonds in the rough would be an extensive journey. Lucky for us, Maxim was there to do all the legwork. Each of the following women is participating in the cut-throat, meat-market election that is Hometown Hotties.

Misty (Tucson, Az.) 


At a petite 5’4″, this Southwestern brunette won’t reach that overrated 26-34-26, but she’s close. But why nitpick at the things that don’t matter when there’s obviously so much to love. Not only is Misty single–which may mean we’ll have to wait in line while a revolving door of douchebags goes by the wayside– but she’s not a big proponent of acts of karaoke, something we wholeheartedly embrace. The topper: Misty claims she can woof down Prime Rib Thickburgers with the boys and still manage to keep that temple of hers in optimal shape.


Nicole (Kingsport, Tn.)


She is a native Tennesseean, but her favorite song is “Sweet Home Alabama.”  Lovely Nicole may look like prototypical trophy-wife material, but that does not mean she is without her edgier side.  “I know more about BMX and motorcross than your typical girl.  And I ride a little, so I could probably kick their ass.”  Hey, Nicole, if you’re willing to beat the hide off of our Debbie Downer of a girlfriend, we will not hesitate to get out of your way for the sake of a little cat fighting. 


 Lolly (El Paso, Tx.)


A Hooters waitress who won’t shy away from her love for America’s team (she has imprinted her Cowboy loyalty in the form of two tatoos south of the border), Lolly is the All-American girl, right down to her ladylike manners between the sheets.  When pressed about the most unusual setting in which she has done the deed, this wholesome Texan replied with a nondescript “I don’t kiss and tell.”  What she means is, she doesn’t care to embellish on how precarious a little foreplay can be when it’s performed on the ledge of the famous wings’ deep-fat fryer.


One Response

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  1. Your #1 Fan said, on October 18, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Actually, you can have Misty and Lolly. I’ll take Nicole.

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