Citizen Fall

Linkage: NFL Outlaws Testicle Grabs, Masculinity of Any Kind

Posted in Linkage by ryedog on March 25, 2009

The Denver Dream will regret cutting Shannon Hurd (Denver Post via Busted Coverage)

Meet the baddest bitch on the planet—and she only cost $137K (With Leather via DVICE and on205th)

Nothing like professing your love of falacio all over the ESPN airwaves (Intentional Foul)

New details of the Donte Stallworth incident come to light (Sports by Brooks, Associated Press)

Safe to say Mercedes Benz sales in Houston aren’t exactly holding steady (Deadspin)

Keith Olbermann brings his pretentiousness to MLB blog (Baseball Nerd via Awful Announcing)

NFL turning into a league of pansies (ESPN)

These people tried ruining it for the rest of us (Spike)

More NBA cheerleaders than you can sanely handle (Uncoached)

The icky connection between Blake Lively and David Letterman (Defamer)

Here’s Elisha Cuthbert, Enjoying Some Bubblicious

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 24, 2009

Supposedly these pictures are from Elisha Cuthbert’s spanking new Maxim photo shoot. The magazine’s website, from what can be found, has yet to confirm this, so until then we’ll go on the assumption that Cuthbert is an avid gum-chewer in her everyday life.

Speaking of rumors, we’ve heard rumblings that Cuthbert, aka Kim Bauer, was going to make a triumphant return to 24, but unless she plans on randomly showing up to disarm a biological weapon of mass destruction amid relentless gunfire, it looks like that won’t be happening.

It’s a shame, too, because her looks had a tendency of balancing out Jack’s badassness during the first few seasons.

Samuel Adams’ White Ale Best Consumed With Responsible Frequency

Posted in Liquids by ryedog on March 24, 2009

We’ve been known to harbor some hatred toward the Samuel Adams Brewing Company in Boston, but that dissension is probably unjust since it stems directly from the frustration of our native St. Louis losing to both the Red Sox and Patriots in a matter of three years.

Or could it be that our dear city has officially lost its most recognizable brand—and largest employer—to a conniving bunch of foreign parasites, and we’re jealous?

Regardless, that doesn’t stop founder Jim Koch from sharing with us his wonderful array of seasonal brews, the most delightful of which may be the White Ale, designated as the beer of choice during the spring months.

While the snifter-having, pinky-waving guys over at Beer Advocate would rather swill horse piss, the CF community can’t get enough of the orange-and-coriander-flavored serum. We’re sure if we had the advertising revenue to pay an editorial staff and a bookkeeper, the company anal retentives and number-crunching nerd would love it as well.

Just as flavorful out of a bottle, there’s something grand about sipping this beer from a mug filled from the tap. And it’s best enjoyed outside, while the sweet breezes of the season bitch-slap you across the face and you become refreshed at a 5.2 percent alcohol content.

We’ve been slacking lately, but make sure to stay tuned for more unprofessional reviews of beers and other items in the world of mature alcohol consumption.

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HCwDB Comment of the Day

Posted in douchebags by ryedog on March 24, 2009

We once again scoured Hot Chicks With Douchebags for the most enlightened comment on the most infamous pic out there and, like always, our search took only seconds.

However, in this case, the ridicule that took place at the expense of this curious subject was too good to feature just one isolated complaint.

Captain Bringdown offers a literal translation:

“Hmmm. Do I lick it off here in public? Or should I go to the rest room and wash it off? Ah, fuck it.”

While Ed Hardouchey prefers to concentrate on recreational activities with one of Chinpube McNapkin‘s lady friends:

“I’d pee in her butt.”

As far as our staff here is concerned, this guy gets what he deserves for wearing a shirt like that in public in all seriousness.

Megan Fox Is Officially Accepting Applications

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 22, 2009

Megan Fox is gorgeous, even though she sometimes looks like a transsexual mannequin.

But she has always been property of Brian Austin Green through a relationship that developed even before she made our libidos hurt with that outfit in Transformers. However, Fox’s escalating fame has visibly and steadily created a rift between her and the 35-year-old father, so much so that the couple has been subjected to a recent onslaught of damaging headlines hinting at an amicable split and termination of their engagement.

Apparently, those breakup rumors from a few weeks back just didn’t hold up, as the two were repeatedly seen together in public doing “lovey-dovey” stuff—like going to Home Depot for a few gardening essentials and the botox clinic for some face-paralyzing injections.

Whether a ploy or simply the calm before the storm, the good times have seemingly come to an end. And this time for good.

Fox has reportedly moved out of the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Green and settled into a hotel room all by her lonesome. Now officially single for the first time in years, the smoldering brunette figures to play the A-list field like a sober fiddler until she finds the guy who can “listen” to her.

Linkage: The Plight of Donte Stallworth

Posted in Linkage by ryedog on March 20, 2009

Check out your brackets unabashed while at work [The World of Isaac]

Obama takes it on the chin in the first round [CBS 2 in Chicago]

Having a little fun at the expense of 24’s agent Renee Walker [Moon Dog Sports]

The Digital Generation’s idea of self-help [The Bachelor Guy]

NCAA tourney flow chart [Gunaxin]

The pervert’s idea of professional help [Askthehotchick.com]

Anna Faris, like you’ve always seen her before [GQ]

We may not see Donte Stallworth for a very, very long time [Sports by Brooks]

Yet another pair of fake boobs at a Florida Panthers game [Total Pro Sports]

Things are heating up in the Culture Tournament [The Big Lead]

Those Gossip Girls Sure Like Their Sweets

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 20, 2009

“We didn’t know we’d have any props, but we saw this big fun table — like a kid’s birthday party. Um, some of it was a little mature for a kid’s birthday party. Some of the … inflatable items. But it’s all been a surprise; it’s been really fun.” My favorite was the first one we did with the ice cream cones.”

We couldn’t agree more.

Those words belong to Blake Lively, the long-legged 21-year-old star of the rich-kid CW program Gossip Girls, as she commented on the cast’s recent photoshoot for Rolling Stone, which is headlined by these pics that feature Lively and co-star Leighton Meester slurping on some sweet treats.

There are some photos that feature the entire cast, but frankly, we’re a little spooked by the male members. Not only do they appear to be effeminate, but with names like Chace, Edward, and Penn, they would probably lose a tag-team match to any combination of their female counterparts.

Kanye Charged With Multiple Misdemeanors

Posted in Celebrity by ryedog on March 18, 2009

west_arrestRapper Kanye West faces up to two and a half years in prison if convicted of a trio of misdemeanor charges stemming from an incident involving a paparazzo at Los Angeles International Airport last year.

According to reports, West was arrested on September 11 after breaking the camera of a TMZ photographer while making his way through one of the airport’s terminals, upon returning from his performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.

The entire incident was caught on video.

The Associated Press reported Wednesday that Los Angeles city prosecutors have charged West with vandalism, battery, and grand theft. His manager, Don Crowley, who broke both a still and video camera belonging to TMZ, has been charged with two counts of each misdemeanor.

Crowley faces up to five years in prison.

Both men are scheduled to be arraigned on April 14.

Krystal Forscutt Is Good At What She Does

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on March 18, 2009

With the temperatures in my native city unseasonably warm right now, I have begun to think how nice it would be to get some warm weather consistently, so as to skip the endless rain of April and yo-yo-like weather of early spring.

While most of us have to wait a few more months for summer, several parts of Australia are still enjoying the latter weeks of another season of searing sunshine.

You know what else in Australia is searing? Krystal Forscutt.

The 22-year-old model initiated her career with an appearance on Australia’s version of Big Brother in 2006 and hasn’t looked back. Countless magazine spreads, including Maxim and FHM, and Electronic Arts’ popular game Need for Speed: Pro Street have all taken advantage of Krystal’s ridiculous features.

Most recently, Forscutt out-sourced her looks, er, talents to the Benny and Richie Show, which reviews the video game world’s most popular titles. She’s even caught the eye of rapper Kanye West, who apparently knows a fine white chick when he sees one through his slitted shades.

The multiple facets of Forscutt’s career are great, but we think she should stick to modeling those bikinis that don’t come with tops. If she does, she might enter Sara Jean Underwood and Brianna Frost territory.

Playmate Executive Leads AVP Into Sexually Themed Advertising Age

Posted in sports, Volleyball by ryedog on March 18, 2009

The Association of Volleyball Professionals—commonly referred to as the AVP by those who care about the sport—isn’t exactly a cash cow. Taking a back seat to nearly every major and irrelevant sport in the U.S., volleyball has long been a game dominated by abnormally tall women who don’t exactly elicit sexual arousal.

Perhaps that’s why the association is launching a new marketing campaign aimed at generating interest in tour events by prominently featuring the rumps of several female players—and not their host of unappealing traits (man shoulders/arms, six-pack abs, friction thighs). We won’t deny that most female volleyballers have incredible asses; it must be all that heavy-legged running in the sand.

There’s no doubt this strategy will cause tour revenue to shoot through the roof. It goes without saying that every time a red-blooded American male sees a round butt on a female, the blood drains from his brain, goes straight to his penis, and he immediately thinks of volleyball.

Supposedly it’s a demonstration in subliminal advertising. At least that’s what AVP vice president for business development and legal affairs Kristine Lefebvre seems to think. Lefebvre would know all about showing some skin for the sake of earning some extra cash. The former contestant on The Apprentice posed nude for Playboy in 2007.