The 2009 NFL season is still five months off, but, as always, a steady diet of draft coverage has kept football relevant among the many sports media outlets.
And in a day and age when keeping up with the Jonses is the name of the game, those outlets continually battle to one up each other, even if it means tirelessly covering topics that hold no entertainment value of any kind.
Enter Yahoo! Sports, an emerging player in the world of diluted sports print journalism, which has followed the likes of ESPN by analyzing the piss out of the newly released NFL schedule.
Who has the so-called most difficult schedule? Which team is guaranteed at least 12 wins?
Who really gives a shit?
The truth is, in an era of the NFL when any team can go from divisional bottom-feeder to wild-card Super Bowl champ overnight, such projections are essentially meaningless.
But that didn’t stop Yahoo! from trying. Among the biggest winners of the schedule’s release? Tom Brady and Terrell Owens, of course. Brady is expected to arise from his offseason of weddings and being dragged around by his Johnson to lead the immortal Pats to another championship run, while T.O. is allegedly prepared for a breakout season even though the Bills don’t have a quarterback worthy of being named an NFL starter.
Oddly enough, however, when it came to picking one of the schedule’s biggest losers, Yahoo! turned on its partner-in-crime. It chided ESPN for ruthlessly ridiculing the defenseless (and offense-less) Lions and throwing the league’s first winless team under the bus during the network’s schedule special.
The network’s duo of Trey Wingo and Merril Hoge verbally flushed the Lions down the toilet every chance they got during ESPN’s schedule-release special. After awhile, it just came off as crass and unfunny. For what it’s worth, ESPN’s analysts chalked up losses for most of Miami’s games in the network’s 2008 schedule show, too.
When Newsday columnist Neil Best interviewed venerable sportswriter Rick Reilly recently, several topics were up for discussion:
- Television vs. Print
- His fixation with molars
- Being whored out by ESPN
- The sinister nature of blogs
The 51-year-old 11-time National Sportswriter of the Year is not a fan of aspiring penmen who have taken advantage of publishing software to showcase their work. In short, he thinks we’re all a bunch of meanies:
“I don’t really go on the blogs, because they don’t really like anybody.”
Uh-huh, okay, go on…
“Jesus could do a column and they’d be like, ‘What the hell is with the hair?’
JC was more of a mechanically inclined kinda guy, so I don’t know how well He’d do at composing an 800-word piece on A-Rod’s sagging pectorals. But what else ya got?
“It’ll always be something. Charles Barkley told me a long time ago always half the people are going to hate you and half the people are going to love you. If you suddenly change who you are, the other half will hate you. I don’t really care what people holding down couch springs do or say.”
Good point, but I write a majority of my blog posts from the recesses of a brutal quarter-life crisis, not a couch.
These photos came courtesy of Busted Coverage, who obtained them from a fan at a b-ball game last weekend at Madison, Wisconsin, where EA was covering the Badgers-Ohio State Buckeyes clash.
Judging by Andrews’ line of sight, the object of her fancy seems to be propped near the visitors’ bench at Wisconsin’s Kohl Center.
The first wave seems to be a mildly goofy shot at humor in-between takes during a broadcast opening, while the second portrays Playboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster as being a tad bit annoyed by the person trying to get her attention.
The final photo in the series, however, could melt hearts. The lucky recipient of EA’s smile-and-wave has managed to suck the beauty into an invisible tractor beam that renders the sea of surrounding stone-faces completely oblivious.
That is, except for the young man two places to the left of Erin, who is a perfect hybrid of David from Roseanne and a thinner version of Jack Black.
The Worldwide Leader in Sports is all growsed up.
After years of putting in the proverbial dues, ESPN finally seems ready to go big-time. Thus, several members of the close-knit Bristol, Conn., family will pack their packs and head West, to the land of fake breasts and even faker personalities.
Among those making the coast-to-coast jump will be SportsCenter anchors Neil Everett and Stan Verrett and wannabe celeb Stuart Scott.
We assume the westward expansion will mean ESPN gets to create a whole new bias—one that rivals that of the East Coast but is three hours behind.
What else to expect from ESPN’s upcoming West Coast presence:
- Pac-10 athletic events on…a lot
- Erin Andrews asked to cover numerous midday games that require considerably breathable clothing
- Quarterbacks from USC, Oregon, and UCLA dominate Heisman ballots for the next 10 years
- Stuart Scott frequents the pages of TMZ
- Hannah Storm caught by the paparazzi strolling down Robertson Boulevard wearing jean cut-offs and Team A-Rod T-shirt
The fun kicks off April 6.
Before you run to Google and perform the tired “Erin Andrews nude” search, read on.
For the second time in as many years, the famed ESPN sideline sex symbol has been named Plaboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster of the Year. But by no means did Ms. Andrews run away from the pack like she did a year ago — with those looooong legs…
We’ve heard several darkhorses like Suzy Kolber, Michelle Tafoya, and Pam Oliver were beginning to close down the home stretch until their faces tripped them up.
Among those who posed the biggest threat to Erin’s maturing dynasty:
(From left to right: Charissa Thompson, Lauren Shehadi, Molly Sullivan, Bonnie Bernstein)
Click on each candidate’s picture for more sexiness at work…