Citizen Fall

Yahoo! Sports Takes the Release of the NFL Schedule Way Too Seriously

Posted in NFL by ryedog on April 15, 2009

The 2009 NFL season is still five months off, but, as always, a steady diet of draft coverage has kept football relevant among the many sports media outlets.

And in a day and age when keeping up with the Jonses is the name of the game, those outlets continually battle to one up each other, even if it means tirelessly covering topics that hold no entertainment value of any kind.

Enter Yahoo! Sports, an emerging player in the world of diluted sports print journalism, which has followed the likes of ESPN by analyzing the piss out of the newly released NFL schedule.

Who has the so-called most difficult schedule? Which team is guaranteed at least 12 wins?

Who really gives a shit?

The truth is, in an era of the NFL when any team can go from divisional bottom-feeder to wild-card Super Bowl champ overnight, such projections are essentially meaningless.

But that didn’t stop Yahoo! from trying. Among the biggest winners of the schedule’s release? Tom Brady and Terrell Owens, of course. Brady is expected to arise from his offseason of weddings and being dragged around by his Johnson to lead the immortal Pats to another championship run, while T.O. is allegedly prepared for a breakout season even though the Bills don’t have a quarterback worthy of being named an NFL starter.

Oddly enough, however, when it  came to picking one of the schedule’s biggest losers, Yahoo! turned on its partner-in-crime. It chided ESPN for ruthlessly ridiculing the defenseless (and offense-less) Lions and throwing the league’s first winless team under the bus during the network’s schedule special.

The network’s duo of Trey Wingo and Merril Hoge verbally flushed the Lions down the toilet every chance they got during ESPN’s schedule-release special. After awhile, it just came off as crass and unfunny. For what it’s worth, ESPN’s analysts chalked up losses for most of Miami’s games in the network’s 2008 schedule show, too.

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Linkage: NFL Outlaws Testicle Grabs, Masculinity of Any Kind

Posted in Linkage by ryedog on March 25, 2009

The Denver Dream will regret cutting Shannon Hurd (Denver Post via Busted Coverage)

Meet the baddest bitch on the planet—and she only cost $137K (With Leather via DVICE and on205th)

Nothing like professing your love of falacio all over the ESPN airwaves (Intentional Foul)

New details of the Donte Stallworth incident come to light (Sports by Brooks, Associated Press)

Safe to say Mercedes Benz sales in Houston aren’t exactly holding steady (Deadspin)

Keith Olbermann brings his pretentiousness to MLB blog (Baseball Nerd via Awful Announcing)

NFL turning into a league of pansies (ESPN)

These people tried ruining it for the rest of us (Spike)

More NBA cheerleaders than you can sanely handle (Uncoached)

The icky connection between Blake Lively and David Letterman (Defamer)

Linkage: I Said Arch Your Back, Goddammit

Posted in Linkage by ryedog on March 17, 2009

A insider’s view on the excess that is destroying the Worldwide Leader [ESPN]

The U.S. Pole Dancing Championships is not an event for aspiring strippers. Right. [With Leather]

Apparently humans survived that whole “end of the world in 2012” thing [Gizmodo]

The only thing more nonsensical than committing murder in the name of soccer is spelling equalizing with an “S” [Uncoached]

Doctors rob this poor kid of a lifetime of belly-to-back threesomes [Asylum]

We never knew Christiano Ronaldo had a little brother [HCwDB]

Steve-O will let an adult sand crab vice-clamp his testicles, but he won’t do the flamenco with a bad back [Us Magazine]

Your next U.S. Pole Dancing champion [WWTDD]

So, Obama’s not a socialist? Well, we can put that one to rest [Drudge Report]

This may hurt Dwayne Johnson’s chances of landing his own Nickelodeon program [Sports by Brooks]

Linkage: Brianna Frost Warrants A Cold Shower

Posted in Linkage by ryedog on March 13, 2009

Craig Clasen is nearing Chuck Norris status [Deadspin]

The people at PETA are passionate, not necessarily smart [E! Online]

Brianna Frost…good God! [Krazy Tube]

Proof that a guido didn’t invent Mr. Potato Head [Afrojacks]

Breaking into the Playboy mansion has gotten easier over the years [Asylum]

Clemens drops “trou” for Brian McNamee [Spike]

ESPN shoots down affiliate nudity [Sports by Brooks]

Somehow we knew Cindy Taylor (Brooke Burke’s successor on E!’s Wild On) was still alive [Uncoached]

SEC dominance is built on money, extra dedicated player tutors, and more money—not speed [EDSBS]

Niners QB Alex Smith recently married a former Raiderette; buy the happy couple a gift [Wedding Channel, via Deadspin]

Rick Reilly Doesn’t Think Much of My Work

Posted in ESPN, sports by ryedog on February 21, 2009

When Newsday columnist Neil Best interviewed venerable sportswriter Rick Reilly recently, several topics were up for discussion:

  • Television vs. Print
  • His fixation with molars
  • Being whored out by ESPN
  • The sinister nature of blogs

The 51-year-old 11-time National Sportswriter of the Year is not a fan of aspiring penmen who have taken advantage of publishing software to showcase their work. In short, he thinks we’re all a bunch of meanies:

“I don’t really go on the blogs, because they don’t really like anybody.”

Uh-huh, okay, go on…

“Jesus could do a column and they’d be like, ‘What the hell is with the hair?’

JC was more of a mechanically inclined kinda guy, so I don’t know how well He’d do at composing an 800-word piece on A-Rod’s sagging pectorals. But what else ya got?

“It’ll always be something. Charles Barkley told me a long time ago always half the people are going to hate you and half the people are going to love you. If you suddenly change who you are, the other half will hate you. I don’t really care what people holding down couch springs do or say.”

Good point, but I write a majority of my blog posts from the recesses of a brutal quarter-life crisis, not a couch.


Who Is Erin Andrews Waving To?

Posted in Ladies by ryedog on February 20, 2009

These photos came courtesy of Busted Coverage, who obtained them from a fan at a b-ball game last weekend at Madison, Wisconsin, where EA was covering the Badgers-Ohio State Buckeyes clash.

Judging by Andrews’ line of sight, the object of her fancy seems to be propped  near the visitors’ bench at Wisconsin’s Kohl Center.

The first wave seems to be a mildly goofy shot at humor in-between takes during a broadcast opening, while the second portrays Playboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster as being a tad bit annoyed by the person trying to get her attention.

The final photo in the series, however, could melt hearts. The lucky recipient of EA’s smile-and-wave has managed to suck the beauty into an invisible tractor beam that renders the sea of surrounding stone-faces completely oblivious.

That is, except for the young man two places to the left of Erin, who is a perfect hybrid of David from Roseanne and a thinner version of Jack Black.

This Whole ESPN Thing Is Catching On

Posted in ESPN, sports by ryedog on February 18, 2009


The Worldwide Leader in Sports is all growsed up.

After years of putting in the proverbial dues, ESPN finally seems ready to go big-time. Thus, several members of the close-knit Bristol, Conn., family will pack their packs and head West, to the land of fake breasts and even faker personalities.

Among those making the coast-to-coast jump will be SportsCenter anchors Neil Everett and Stan Verrett and wannabe celeb Stuart Scott.

We assume the westward expansion will mean ESPN gets to create a whole new bias—one that rivals that of the East Coast but is three hours behind.

What else to expect from ESPN’s upcoming West Coast presence:

  • Pac-10 athletic events on…a lot
  • Erin Andrews asked to cover numerous midday games that require considerably breathable clothing
  • Quarterbacks from USC, Oregon, and UCLA dominate Heisman ballots for the next 10 years
  • Stuart Scott frequents the pages of TMZ
  • Hannah Storm caught by the paparazzi strolling down Robertson Boulevard wearing jean cut-offs and Team A-Rod T-shirt

The fun kicks off April 6.

Erin Andrews Continues Playboy Dominance

Posted in College Football, Ladies by ryedog on February 13, 2009

Erin AndrewsBefore you run to Google and perform the tired “Erin Andrews nude” search, read on.

For the second time in as many years, the famed ESPN sideline sex symbol has been named Plaboy’s Sexiest Sportscaster of the Year. But by no means did Ms. Andrews run away from the pack like she did a year ago — with those looooong legs…

We’ve heard several darkhorses like Suzy Kolber, Michelle Tafoya, and Pam Oliver were beginning to close down the home stretch until their faces tripped them up.

Among those who posed the biggest threat to Erin’s maturing dynasty:

(From left to right: Charissa Thompson, Lauren Shehadi, Molly Sullivan, Bonnie Bernstein)

[Photo Credit]

Charissa Thompson Lauren Shehadi Molly Sullivan Bonnie Bernstein

Click on each candidate’s picture for more sexiness at work…

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