Daisy De La Hoya: An Example of Why Girls Need Healthy Male Role Models

As the saying goes, if whatever you contract from Bret Michaels doesn’t kill you, it can only temporarily suppress future infections from other has-been rock stars.

Almost some of us felt for Daisy De La Hoya when she was booted from season two of Rock of Love after coming so close to winning the sexual rights to Michaels for the rest of her rebellious days.

Or until the beginning of season three.

But we forgot that the diminutive senorita and full-fledged VH1 soft-core porn alum is a strong, self-sustaining woman.

And that’s why she has springboarded from one of cable’s most highly regarded reality shows to the one stop-off all aspiring A-listers must visit: the Motely Crue Tit E. Cam.

Yes, it appears our sweet Daisy has landed so squarely on her feet that she now calls drummer Tommy Lee’s venereal diseases her own.

Oh, and then there’s this.

A Service Position Awaits Michael Stipe in the After Life

Now we know how R.E.M. vocalist Michael Stipe keeps the figure of an emaciated Latvian pre-teen slave girl…

By refueling on a steady diet of blueberry waffles, paranoia, and taking whatever measures are necessary to retain his reputation for being a larger-than-life dick.

The New York Post tells of the strife of an innocent New York waitress who saw Stipe at his best one fine night—and well into the next morning.

According to the accounts of Sara Barron, Stipe once pranced into city hotspot Babbo after hours and armed with an insatiable hunger for anything that wasn’t on the menu, including waffles slathered in blueberries. But what celebrity wouldn’t belittle some commoner at 3 a.m. for a well-rounded breakfast? It comes with the territory of being above the average human being.

Amazingly, Stipe, who apparently is too weakended to hold his own penis when he urinates, saved his pies de resistance for a five-hour testimony to why he should be fitted for an apron and a pair of non-slick safety shoes when he descends into hell.

Philadelphia Athletes Pass Around Willing Porn Star

You see what kind of damage the power of the internet can do nowadays?

Because of these pictures, which were undoubtedly meant for those confined within the walls of the locker room of each player’s respective organization, I have to take time out of my day to thoroughly dispel rumors that the entire Philadelphia Flyers team had its way with sex robot Gina Lynn at a recent postgame orgy.

And there’s absolutely no merit to the idea that Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard and former Eagles quarterback A.J. Feeley propositioned Lynn into an alleyway ski-job soon thereafter.

How hard up for gossip is this so-called blogosphere when we are forced to bend the truth so far? Can pro athletes and porn stars not intermingle in a little platonic dry-humping?

Besides, why would forward Scottie Upshall waste his time with a worn-out hack when he has a perfectly beautiful girlfriend who abides by moral law?

Former NFL Wideout Mitchell’s Grandma Mixed Up In FedEx Drug Push

The title’s a mouthful, we know.

That’s why we’d prefer to leave the explaining to NFL Juice, which has graciously offered to sort this one out.

In short, former Eagles wide receiver Freddie Mitchell was arrested last week after his shipment of marijuana turned up at the residence of his grandmother, who inadvertently ratted her lil’ Sunshine out for running a covert drug ring out of the basement of his Lakeland, Florida, BBQ joint.

Ooops, joint…poor choice of words.