Northern Trust: An Insult To the Working American Public

At least one financial institution in this country is recession-proof.

Fresh off receiving an unrequested $1.6 billion bailout sum from the U.S. Government, Chicago-based Northern Trust bank, the sponsor of the PGA’s recent Northern Trust Open, threw a five-day rager that featured first-rate entertainment, swanky gift packages, and luxurious hotel accommodations.

The price tag? Around $6.3 million—and that’s covering just the bare bones of the company’s agreement with the PGA and CBS, which provided television coverage of the event’s final two rounds.

A spokesman for the bank told TMZ that all funds used toward the blowout came directly from operating expenses.

Isn’t there something wrong with this picture, even if Northern Trust did use cash flow to pay for its employees’ debauchery?

If the bank is doing so well and can afford to stash away the government’s billion-dollar donation, why not invest some resources back into the middle-class portion of the workforce?

How do think the 450 Northern Trust employees that were laid off in December feel right about now?

Contained within the company website is a statement proclaiming Northern Trust’s esteemed organizational culture:

It’s not enough simply to be true to our business model — at Northern Trust we believe we have greater responsibility. Recognized as one of the “World’s Most Socially Responsible Companies” by Global Finance, Northern Trust works hard to improve the quality of life not only of our clients, but also our employees and the communities we serve. We encourage community reinvestment through charitable giving, volunteering and partnerships. In 2006 alone, Northern Trust employees gave over 250,000 hours of their own time to not-for-profit organizations.

Note: “…their own time to not-for-profit organizations” means nibbling on braised salmon and guzzling Cristal from the private hangar of a Santa Monica airport.

Lindsay Lohan’s New Photoshoot Leaves Us With Mixed Feelings

Call us crazy, but this may not exactly be the best time for Lindsay Lohan to be posing half-naked.

Granted, she hasn’t lost her chest despite her emaciated frame, which indicates weight loss doesn’t stand a chance against silicone. But the combination of her razor-thin arms and protruding collar bone do nothing to take away from the patented V-cut at her waistline.

Don’t get me wrong, Lohan is a beautiful girl. All she needs is a little protein and maybe some fatty amino acids in her daily routine.

It just scares me a little bit to think that an infinite number of young girls out there looking for a role model will turn to Lohan and somehow think that sticking to an Ethiopian diet will make them attractive.

Thanks to the guys at WWTDD, who first brought my attention to this story.

[All Photos by Hedi Slimane]

The Often Overlooked Relationship That Is Ferrell-Robinson

Not quite to Danny Granger what Spike Lee was to Reggie Miller, Will Ferrell sat courtside at Madison Square Garden Monday night with hands folded, uncharacteristically stoic, and reserved during the Knicks’ 123-119 win over the Pacers.

Until his boy Nate gave him something to talk shit about.

Passing the first 47:42 of the game with cordial exchanges of excerpts from Talladega Nights and interracial fists bumps, Ferrell and Robinson shared a celebratory orgasm that climaxed with the diminutive guard handing the famed comedian/actor his green Slam Dunk Contest jersey moments after Robinson’s victory-sealing layup with 26 seconds remaining.

Something tells me we haven’t seen the last of these two, especially if the Knicks slide on into the postseason.

Now all we need to do is find David Lee an angry black chick and this team’s Finals-bound.

Kanye’s Childhood Influence Reeks of Genitalia

Finally, we now know where the immortal, self-appointed King of Human Beings Kanye West got his inspiration.

And it has nothing to do with Teen Wolf-inspired shades, lasers, so-called racist white presidents, or dropping out of college.

In an interview that runs in the current issue of Style magazine, the critically acclaimed artist tells of a rather peculiar and almost Freudian childhood experience that would lay the framework that now supports his popularized off-beat style (disclaimer: the following may be offensive to die-hard Nintendo fans and experienced video game programmers):

“First beat I did was in seventh grade, on my computer,” West recalls.  “I got into doing beats for the video games I used to try to make. My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step—it literally took me all night to do a step, ’cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.”

Can’t fault the guy for being too creative.

Catch some video of the interview.

[Photo Credit: Nathaniel Goldberg]

Laura Leigh: Good Looks Nearly Disguise Evil Soul

 

It’s a good thing Laura Leigh is hot, because otherwise she might be just a bitch of unbearable proportions.

The 21-year-old nursing student/bikini model from Staten Island, N.Y., was recently discarded from ABC’s True Beauty for being a calculating attention whore whose inner worth barely penetrated her skin. And we can’t say we’re that disappointed to see her go.

As long as she left some pictures behind, that is.

I almost feel bad saying this, but a night with Laura Leigh would have to be a hit-and-run job—and not because her smoldering looks wouldn’t be tempting. The truth is, her personality would get in the way.  And I’m sure after reading her ABC bio, women everywhere would agree that her company should be confined to the bedroom:

She loves the spotlight and is proud to call herself a drama queen. Laura is obsessed with her appearance so much that when getting dressed, she tries on several outfits and does shimmy-shakes and booty-drops to see how her body looks when she moves. She gets whistles and honks every day, but usually just rolls her eyes at it. In general, Laura likes men more than women because women are always jealous of her. Laura loves to instigate drama and enjoys stirring the pot – chances are she will be at the root of every fight. Laura is a survivalist and says she will squash out every contestant to achieve her goal…winning the game.

If one go-around with Laura wouldn’t suffice for you, bear in mind she gave this answer when asked if she would sell her best friend out for money:

“You can always get new friends, especially with money.”

How sweet.